Decisions.......decisions.........

"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function."
F. Scott Fitzgerald

I wouldn't dare put myself above another human by comparing intellect, and yet today I find myself at a crossroads of absolute reason, clarity of truth as it were, and the epitome of relative perception. I saw more than just the two opposing ideas in a moment of pure lucidity.

The calmness of mind that cycling provides me is simultaneously driving the body to find every genetic limit while under duress, and I crave that calmness more and more. Funny how physical suffering is the part that no longer worries me, and I crave it as well. But today............there was no relief from the multitude of wants and needs racing around in the grey matter during my ride. I was internalizing everything that was going on around me, but I dare not say a word. Not because I couldn't, but because its better to hold your tongue and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Something I have a hard enough time with every waking moment. I've tried to help other riders improve by giving advice or making a recommendation, but maybe my personality is not strong enough to give my words the iron that is needed. I've tried to be more PC the last few years since I'm not exactly a "people person", but maybe its time I go back to my old way of thinking and not give a shit less what others think.

I know when I've had a good ride because I feel mentally refreshed and physically exhausted. Today was a 180 spin. I felt like 15 minutes of throwing fist at a heavy bag was just what was needed. The only thing that I resolved was the reason for the cramping in my thighs. After looking through my ride diary, I've pin-pointed the reason for the cramps and will eliminate it from my training. Other than that, my conversations with Eddie gave me inspiration to work harder for next year's race season, and he and I will be doing some weekly riding together to work toward that goal.

I've read that small minded people talk about others while open minded people talk about ideas. Its time I push the door open and let in some light.......some reasoning.

So, it is either continue the current path of attempting to be part of a cohesive unit that because of built-in differences will likely fail to achieve its goal, or lense my own path. Perhaps the more difficult path is forging my own way. And perhaps it is right. Selfish? Perhaps....................but I don't give a shit.