Insomnia Cycling

The first rule of Winter Bike League is..........

Winter brings more than just a changing of season with leaves falling and grass fading. The crisp snap of a cold morning livens the senses to a new day. Refreshing. Life. Well, it is something not quiet that invigorating that arrives with winter for me. Winter brings the sleepless nights of insomnia that have been a part of my life since childhood.

My mother as well as our family doctor were convinced that it was hyper activity when I was a child entering my early teens. Something that is treated with Ritalin or some other exotic parenting drug nowadays, but back then it was a tad different: the Thorazine shuffle. But, the drugs had about the same effect. I would ride my bike until dark and sometimes past just to expend the energy I had so I could sleep. It never worked and still doesn't.

When I worked at Amoco Fabrics just after high school, it was a swing shift. Nothing like throwing the old circadian rhythm out of wack like that kind of schedule. Being eager to make money and advance quicker than my fellow sloths, I worked whatever shift was asked if a position needed to be covered. It took its toll after a few months. I'd lost over 35 pounds and looked like a raccoon............but worse at a ragged 14o pounds. I'd also been going without sleep for days on end. The final straw was when the day shift super asked me to come with him to get my yearly physical and I agreed. Hell, I didn't even know what day it was. I thought it was a random drug test, but knew deep down I was in trouble and needing rest and was the reason why. After a few days rest and help from a doctor that specialized in sleep disorders, basically he gave me drugs to make me sleep, I realized just how far out over the edge I'd gone. 11 days in a row without sleep. 11 days............... Someone looked at the hours I'd been working and realized there was a problem that needed a resolution. I remembered everything of each day. Even the things that weren't exactly .......well.........real. Funny things happens when you push yourself too far naturally or not.

Last night I was asleep by 11pm, but by 2:15 my mind was awake and racing through various ideas, worries, and concerns for the coming days, weeks, and months. Not stressful worry, however. Body is tired. Mind is tireless. This is the 8th day in a row of less than 5 hours of sleep. At 3:15 I listened to the first rain drops pitter-pattering down on the roof. I remembered back to my childhood when my family would gather at the farm house that pre-dated the Civil War, and we would be soothed into slumber at night by the pelting rain on the tin roof.....and sleep would come as comforting as your mother's gentle touch feeling your forehead at night to make sure you were not running a fever. By 4:20 the rain was like a thousand squirrels playing leap frog while wearing steel soled shoes. It sounded similar to a very complex piece of classical music having too many instruments to fathom, and yet each note was as clear to me as if each musician was playing solo.

I thought back through yesterday's events and recalled that it seemed like a fuzzy dream while I was out on the bike. Complete relaxation was what I remembered about the day. Even our bike ride was not stressful too me. I felt strong at the end physically but mental clarity was lacking. I do recall being a little punchy before the ride and being a little brash about the way we should all conduct ourselves during the winter bike league rides. I hope the guys didn't take it personal, but the emphasis is needed that I intend to take charge of these rides to ensure safety most importantly but also to keep the focus on how we (I) need to be training. It may piss a few folks off, but I know what worked for me in the past that resulted in tremendous advances in fitness so I'll follow those general guidelines again this year. Sleep is an integral part of the equation, however.

I began teaching the Physics class today and struggled to stay sharp on explanations of formulas, standards, and applications. I didn't make any mistakes today, however, as I slowed down a bit to think things through more so than usual. Nothing like making a mistake, having to "un-teach" the topic, and then "re-teach" the correct method. You'll always lose a couple and push a few more into the gray zone of misunderstanding if that happens. After all, I'm shoving a 50 hour class at them in 9 days so its like drinking from a fire hose for the students. My lack of sleep is causing a lack of learning for my students. They don't see it, but my passion for the subject was lacking today and that is unacceptable. I want them to enjoy learning as much as I enjoy seeing them learn and that takes more energy than I had today.

Tonight brings opportunities to dream and hopefully the resting of a weary mind. I'll try to reset my internal clock with a man-made Zeitgeber before bed ~ a very bright light ~ and perhaps spend some time outside in the sun tomorrow showing my students parts of an aircraft while discussing aerodynamics. Natural, bright light usually does the trick........ for a while.

"Day is desire and night is sleep. There are no shadows anywhere."~Wallace Stevens