Pardon me, I think I've been pooped on...

Warning: Language is guaranteed to offend so hit the "Back" button now.

Recipe to piss me off:

Choose a topic that you're ignorant about...........like the laws of the road pertaining to cycling.

Take 3 parts of moronic opinions from lazy, never gonna even glance at a piece of exercise equipment, gravity challenged fat-ass, I know more than you and can prove it so "watch this y'all" from the shallow end of the gene pool.

Ensure 3 parts stupidity is not measured in appropriate quantities for the tasks at hand.

Take 1 part Type-A personality that is more prepared for discussion than other 3 parts ignorance.

Ensure that 1 part Type-A personality is at "full throttle" from the caffeine in his loving wife's "this will put your blood pressure over the limit" coffee before stirring the pot.

Ensure that you stir 3 parts "who the hell is Darwin?" accordingly with phrases such as: "Cyclists should be restricted to certain roads because I have to slow down to go around them on a double yellow lined, blind curve that is uphill" and the favorite No-Shit!! line of them all, "when 3-thousand pounds of car meets cyclist, the cyclist always loses" to make Type-A personality rise. Oh and don't forget to stir briskly for 1 minute with Type-A personality's favorite: "you should have your dumb ass in church instead of riding a bike" after you turn around, block the lane in front of me, and spout this divine knowledge on a Sunday no less through Tammy Faye Baker war paint that cracks as you speak.

Now toss 3 parts of sacrificial but ignorant lamb fluff onto Type-A personality while you smile and think 1)this is gonna be the funniest shit on the planet and 2)Ron White wasn't right about fixing stupid. All this while thinking you're making a valid point and feeling good about yourselves, but in the mean time you've actually closed the cave entrance behind you with a mean, hungry bear that just woke from a gentle 5 year slumber of taking your shit.

Wait one nano-second as mix comes to a boil.

"Cover your ears darlin..."

DING!!

Dinner is served.

The Queen's English was not used fortunately, only because I wanted to keep my job, but in less than 20 seconds the dish was served chilled and it got really, really quite in the office for the remainder of the day. I guess everyone enjoyed the meal of Crow since they definitely left full. I don't think the "what's this button for?" will be pushed any time in the future in my office while I'm working at this establishment.

All this before 9am. Luckily, I did not have students to enlighten afterward today.........

On more important cycling news, I was able to ride this past Thursday with the group as our regular weekly rides began again. We averaged a tad over 20 mph for 34 miles and was a good ride even though we took it easier than we could have done. Brian, a new rider and CAT3 racer that is here for a few months, wanted to keep his watts down before the Perry Roubaix race weekend so we kept the pace down a bit for us but what was easy for him.

Several of us volunteered to help out for the TT and Circuit race on Saturday, so it was stand around for 12 hours while cheering the racers on during each group event.

Sunday was the first "fun" century I road this year and it was in Dublin. It was a new course this time, and I managed to bring the wrong gear for all the short, steep climbing we had to do. I remembered it as relatively flat except at the end. My Polar said we only climbed 4K feet, but it felt like 10K since I had the 11-21 cassette on the rear and couldn't spin as much as I needed. Flipper had ridden the Tour de Pike the day before and was on his 2nd century in two days. That boy is strong for sure but is a tad thin for his height and maybe a little over-confident right now. It'll work itself out, however.

Tuesday night's ride was a good ride with a bit of wind. BK and I decided to do the 40 mile option but we had no takers to join us. I was surprised to see that several riders didn't come along, especially one who had bragged that he had "gotten in a break-away Thursday night and no-one could catch him." If you've never seen frog legs ripped from their sockets, you need to ride with us tomorrow night. He'll be the first one on the platter. Anyway, BK and I had a 16.5 mph average at the silos at the end of Bible Camp Rd., but we managed to crank it up to an 18.6 mph average for the ride. The last half was into the wind and sucked goats for sure, but we like to suffer and enjoyed every damn minute of it! We're both making good progress after suffering through this year's flu season while spending 3 weeks off the bike.

This weekend will be long, hard miles for me since I need to get in a 130 mile ride either Saturday or Sunday in prep for the BRAF April 20. My loving wife is gonna drive the truck solo while I crank the peddles for nearly 10 hours next month. Hope she finds some really good books-on-CD for the trip.